Utter Chaos
by Computermouse
Summary: A whole batch of nonesence! It's interesting, but not much if you like serious works. --Incomplete, never to be finished.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this chapter...EXCEPT FOR FRODO! HI IS MINE! MINE! GOT IT? ALL MINE! And you can't have him, precious, no...  
  
Frodo walked between Sam and Aragorn, they had just gotten away from that windbag, Elrond, and his stupid council. Frodo was walking between Sam and Aragorn because they both didn't want him wandering off like he had just a few minutes ago. "Don't worry, Mr. Frodo," Sam reassured him, "Aragorn and I won't let the Ring call you away again!" "It wasn't the Ring that led me away," Frodo protested, "I just wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side of that fence!" "I'll tell you a secret," Boromir whispered walking up next to Frodo, "The grass looks greener over there cuz WETA's made the grass over here look brown." "Why'd they do that?" Legolas asked, walking along prettily. "It's because we're supposed to be on a dangerous mission, and it's supposed to look dirty! So look miserable!" Aragorn commanded. "Touchy..." Gimly muttered at Aragorn's command, while seriously thinking about making Aragorn carry his ax. "Dirt?!" Legolas shrieked, "I can't get near dirt! It'll make me dirty! And my perfect skin will be blemished! And my hair will get mussed! And I won't be the prettiest!" "But I'm the prettiesssst, Preciousssssss..." Came a sneering voice from behind the group. "NO YOU ARE NOT!" Legolas shrieked, putting an arrow to his quiver and looking around for someone to shoot. "Frodo," Aragorn commanded, "Tell Gollum to go away! We're not even at the river! He can't be tracking us already!" "OK!" Frodo replied cheerily. "No, Mr. Frodo!" Sam yelled, "You might get hurt!" "Oh!" Frodo cried, terrified, "You'd better tell him to go away, then!" "Go, away Gollum!" Sam commanded. "No!" Gollum replied, crossing his arms, though no one knew it because they couldn't see him. "Well, I tried." Sam sighed, trotting to catch up with the group. "I'll do it!" Gandalf bellowed, "For I am Gandalf the Gray! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! None have the power to resist!" "Ok," Gimly chuckled, "But you're the one who suggested that we tried to go through that puddle, and YOU had to carry Legolas across cuz he might have gotten his muumuus wet." "They are VERY EXPENSIVE muumuus..." Legolas muttered, "And mud might have splattered in my hair! Then I'd have to use up the rest of my Herbal Essence shampoo trying to get it out!" "He's right!" Merry piped up, "Herbal Essence is really getting pricey these days!" "Whatever," Aragorn sighed, "Just get Gollum to go away until we get to the river, Gandalf!" Aragorn commanded, striking his most kingly pose. Gandalf cleared his voice, then in a low powerful voice bellowed: "I AM GANDALF THE GRAY! GO AWAY OR I WILL FEED YOU TO BOROMIR!" "Yum!" Boromir cackled, "Aged Hobbit!" Frodo screamed in a high-pitched girlie voice: "Save me, everyone! He's going to eat me and take the Ring!" Immediately everyone except Gandalf (He was still yelling at Gollum), Pippin (no one had seen him in a while), and Legolas (who didn't want to get his shirt wrinkled) crashed down on Boromir tied him up. "Just try eating Frodo like that!" Sam yelled, one foot on Boromir's head. Boromir tried to protest, but he was gagged, and all he could say was: "Ulmp murgf, blurluf!" "SUUUUUUURE!" Gimly scoffed, "We've heard THAT one before!" "Well," Gandalf sighed coming back looking worn out and tired, "I have battled long, but I am the victor." "So Gollum'll stay away until the river?" Aragorn asked. "Yes, if you don't want it to sound heroic and exciting!" Gandalf snapped.  
  
A giggling came from behind some trees. "Who is it!" Legolas shrieked, cowering behind Frodo, who was cowering behind Sam, who was holding one end of a pole that Boromir had been tied to, while Merry held the other side. "Where's Pippin?" Merry screamed, letting go of his end of the pole, so that Boromir fell on his head. Boromir screamed something, that was stifled by the gag. Gandalf tip-toed over to where the giggling had come from. When he pulled apart the brush in front of the tree, everyone saw Pippin eating something from a huge bag, and he looked all sticky. "Fool of a Took! What are you eating?!" Gandalf bellowed, snatching the bag from him. "I was eating grapes..." Pippin giggled, licking his hands and not even seeming to notice that Gandalf had taken the bag. "NOOOOOO!" Aragorn yelled in a manly way, "Hurry, Sam!" He yelled, "Get me some Athelas! Pippin has just eaten the deadly Nazgul-grapes! It may help slow the poison!" "But I got them from the props department!" Pippin whined, "Everyone else was eating them, so when no one was looking I stole them!" "Hurry!" Aragorn bellowed, "Everyone must be poisoned! Everyone disperse and find some Athelas!" "But I'll get dirty!" Legolas sobbed, wringing his hands pathetically. "And I might get hurt!" Frodo screamed, cowering from every pointy piece of grass the just might stab him, and mortally wound him. "Has anyone seen my ax?" Gimly asked, looking around. "I'm hungry!" Pippin announced, smiling. "My mushrooms are wilting!" Merry screeched opening a bag of mushrooms that were starting to ferment and reek. "A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins!" Gandalf announced to a surprised woodchuck. "You've got the wrong line!" Aragorn shouted, still looking manly. "If you make Frodo go out and he gets hurt, then you'll be in DEEP trouble!" Sam threatened Aragorn. "Mulloof! Hairlook neeruf woorlien!" Boromir shouted. "A Wizard is never wrong either!" "If I get dirty I'll never be pretty any more!" "Yum! Mushrooms! I was getting hungry!" "Is my ax in that bag of grapes?" "WAAAAAA! I don't want to get hurt!" "SOME ONE GET SOME ATHELAS!' "BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am back, precioussssssss..." "But I smote your ruin upon the mountainside! You cannot be returned!" "Ditugh thouthgh etirhti!" "You say that line later, Gandalf! ATHELAS! ATHELAS! GET IT! GET IT!" "Are there any fishesesesesesesssssssssss here, preciousssssss...? No, preciousssss, no!" "*Giggle* Those mushrooms taste good!"  
  
After a moment of complete chaos, after everyone had gotten their anti- Nazgul vaccinations, everyone had had their third and fourth breakfast, and PJ had told Gollum not to bother the Fellowship until the river scene, the Fellowship returned to their quest, and decided to go up the Cahedras.  
  
Legolas pranced about on top of the snow looking ever so dainty and pretty. Frodo picked up a handful of snow, packed it until it was tight, then threw it at the back of Aragorn's head. Aragorn ignored it in a kingly manner, hoping that perhaps the Hobbit would tire of the prank. He was ever so completely wrong. His ignoring it only provoked Merry and Pippin to join because Aragorn didn't do anything about it. Boromir was still tied up, but had been allowed to ride Bill the pony because his ankles were bound. "Ughtire thigberaph..." He muttered, still gagged. "And this is what we do the FIRST time you threaten to eat Frodo! Just see what happens the NEXT time!" Sam threatened, waving his frying pan. "Ughligh kerlinf." Boromir sighed. "Whatever!" Sam said as he rolled his eyes. "I still can't find my ax!" Gimly roared as he threw down the bag of grapes that he had been searching in. "My feet hurt!" Frodo complained, "How long until we get to Mount Doom?" "Many miles lie between us and that evil place!" Gandalf shouted, "And never ask why I hate cats again!". "But I didn't ask why you hate cats!" Frodo pointed you. "Do not make excuses! For they are folly and full of French fries!" Gandalf bellowed! "YUM!" Pippin squeaked, "French fries..." "Gighthey thefir tgietigl!" Boromir sighed dreamily. Sam hit Boromir over the head with his pan. "Don't EVER use language like that around Mr. Frodo ever AGAIN!" "Egithgy thight!" Boromir cried, trying to roll off Bill and run away. Sam hit him over the head again. "Cover your ears, Mr. Frodo!" Sam called, hitting Boromir again and again. Frodo obediently covered his ears, but then informed Sam that he could still hear the sound of metal hitting bone. "I was delayed." Gandalf explained, picking up his staff and putting a snow ball on the top. "Gandalf," Merry asked, "Do you have a problem with short-term-memory?" "I am no longer Gandalf the Gray whom you betrayed!" Gandalf said, eating the snowball. "Wrong line again." Aragorn said, gathering his cloak about him to try to look extremely cold. "What are you doing?" Pippin asked, just before he attacked Gandalf's staff in a desperate attempt to eat it. "I'm looking cold and manly!" Aragorn shouted back. "Honestly! You'd think we were on a picnic!" "We're NOT?!" Frodo whined as he picked up the picnic stuff that he had just spread out over the snow. "Of course not!" Gandalf shouted, "What made you think that you could lick a rock until it dissapeared!" He asked, shaking his staff, trying to get Pippin to let go of it. "I'm hungry!" Pippin moaned, still holding onto Gandalf's staff by his teeth. "Are YOU hiding my ax?" Gimly asked Legolas who was prancing about, performing 'Swan Lake'. "Why would I carry a filthy ax?" Legolas asked, jumping over Gimly's head, "It would only get me dirty! And why would I get dirty?!" "Because being dirty is FUN!" Merry exclaimed, rubbing two handfuls of dirty snow under both his arms. Legolas' eyes opened so wide that everyone thought they were going to pop out, then he passed out. "Wow!" Frodo squealed ecstatically, "I never knew anyone could open their eyes so wide!" He laughed as he hopped about. "ACT COLD!" Aragorn commanded, shoving a woolly sweater over Merry's head. "But I don't want to!" Frodo whined. "If Mr. Frodo doesn't want to act cold," Sam said, thunder clouds forming behind him, "Then Mr. Frodo doesn't have to act cold." "Indecision is the sister of chaos, and the maker of hot-water-bottles!" Gandalf announced, prying Pippin off of his staff. "Indecision tastes good!" Pippin giggled, licking the splinters from his lips, and thinking about making a second go at the staff. Merry stumbled about, blinded by the sweater, and tripped over Legolas who was still passed out in the snow. Legolas, sensing a dirty being around him, woke up , and put an arrow in his quiver. "I don't wanna act cold!" Frodo sobbed, throwing a tantrum. He was so busy throwing his tantrum, that he didn't notice when he bumped into Legolas, who became frightened that Frodo might be dirty, and accidentally released the arrow, which hit Bill in the rump. Bill, thinking a giant mosquito was trying to eat him alive, charged down the mountain towards the caves of Kazad-Doon with Boromir still on his back. "Come back, Bill!" Sam shouted, and began running after his pony. "CHARGE!" Gandalf bellowed, charging after Bill, "Do not let old alliances hold you back!" Pippin looked over at Gimly, who rolled his eyes, then they both headed after the horse. "Wait!" Frodo sobbed, trotting after those who had already run after Bill, "Don't leave me!" Seeing that no one was paying attention to him, sat down and started crying. "I don't wanna be left behind!" Merry, who was still struggling with the sweater, ran towards the direction where he heard all of the commotion, and passed by Frodo, who, seeing his chance, jumped onto his back to ride up to the fellowship in style. Legolas walked down to were the others were, sulking most painstakingly. Aragorn drew his sword and charged with it drawn and shouted a battle cry in the most manly manner he could.  
  
And that is how the Fellowship of the Ring got to go down into the tunnels of Moria. 


	2. Chapter 2

Guess I'd better give another disclaimer. Only the people that I made up are mine. Everyone else is Tolkien's. AND I MADE UP FRODO! SO HE'S MINE! ALL MINE! *Runs off into the horizon hauling Frodo along with her* Oh, BTW, 'bishi' is short for a long word in Japanese that means 'cute guy', and 'huggle'ing is...well...hugging tightly...0.o; And the 'stalk them and hope for the best' thing isn't mine, I found the message on an Internet bumper-sticker.  
  
The Fellowship had chased Bill the Pony until he was at the front door of Moria. Boromir jumped off Bill, and tried to roll away, but met Sam. The details are too gruesome to speak of without having to rate this R, so let's just say that it wasn't pleasant.  
  
A few hours later all of the Fellowship was in a 'Think Tank' trying to figure out the riddle. "So, what was the riddle, again?" Merry asked, the sweater still stuck on his head. "I am not sweet, but sour/I'll save you in this dreadful hour." Aragorn rapped, wearing a ball-cap backward in a manly way. "I'm hungry." Pippin complained. "What do we have to eat?" Everyone glared at Pippin. "What?" He asked. "Well," Frodo sighed, opening his picnic basket again, "we have apples, and oranges, and bananas, and—" Frodo held up a lemon. "What's this thing called again?" Everyone thought about it for a while, but could not think of what it was called. In this moment of quiet, Pippin decided to eat Gandalf's staff again. "Let go," Gandalf bellowed, "Or I'll squash you like a LEMON!" Suddenly the gate door swung open, nearly squishing Legolas. Legolas screamed! "If that'd squished me then I would have gotten dirt in my beautiful innards! Do you have any idea how clean I keep them?! Do you?!" "We must now brave the long passage of Disney Land." Gandalf sighed, hitting the rocks with his staff. When Pippin though that Gandalf wasn't looking, he lunged for the staff, but missed and bit Gandalf in the butt. Gandalf swung around, Pipp still dangling from his hind-quarters. However, one can only hold onto another person's posterior for so long without falling off, and Pippin let go at the wrong time, and was sent flying into the lake. When Legolas saw how dusty the caves were, he nearly passed out again. "I am not going in there!" He said, turning on his heel. "Daddy was right," he muttered, "I should have gone on the soap-tour, but NOOOOO I had to go on the grime trip instead!" Pippin, who was covered with green slime from the bottom of the lake, stumbled out of the water, and began feeling around for Gandalf's staff again. As soon as Legolas saw slime-covered Pippin, he broke the land-speed-record into the cave. "Sam..." Frodo asked worriedly, biting his already nonexistent nails. "What Mr. Frodo?" "Are there...going to be...um...fan-girls in there...?" Frodo burst out, in a terrified sob. "Of course not!" Gimli laughed, "Only Orcs, Goblins, Trolls, and nastier things!" "Oh, good!" Frodo sighed. "Let's go!" Aragorn said in a manly explorer sort of way. Pippin whistled as he walked up next to Gandalf. In a split-second he was chomping away at Gandalf's staff again. "You shall not pass gas!" Gandalf commanded, kicking Pippin off of his staff. Pippin, however, did not let go, and only chomped down harder. Gandalf began twirling his staff like a baton above his head. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS GAS!" He repeated, suddenly stopping the twirling of his staff. Pippin flew forwards, this time, into the cave. "Ugneth thienger tshiels tsi" Boromir muttered groggily. He'd just woken up, and was wondering why he was on a pony instead of his luxurious feather- bed. "We have to leave Bill behind, Sam." Aragorn said, trying to sound compassionate...in a hot sort of way. "Ok...but what about Boromir?" "What about Boromir?" "Well," Sam said sarcasticly, "What if he tries to eat one of the fellowship again?" "Let's just leave the gag on." Aragorn decided (in a VERY manly way, of course). Then in the coolest way he could, he got out an ax and cut the ropes that bound Boromir's hands and feet. "MY AX!" Gimli bellowed, "GIVE IT TO ME! IT'S MINE! IT CAME TO ME! YOU STOLE IT FROM US-I mean...uh...me...I think..." Everyone turned to look at Gimli. "Uh, what's everyone waiting for!" Gimli laughed nervously, "Let's go into the cave!" Aragorn ignored him, and finished cutting Boromir from the horse, and slinging him off the horse like a sack of potatoes. Boromir squeezed his eyes shut as he fell, and managed to sound very much like a sack of potatoes as he 'thumped' the ground. Aragorn, done with the ax, put it back in his belt. Gimli made a mental note to kill Aragorn and take back his ax. Aragorn hit Bill on the rump to get him to head off. But a thing happened then that Aragorn did not intend. (Woah! Galadriele-ness!) Bill's eyes bugged out, and he kicked Aragorn in the gut before muttering: 'Pervert' and trotting off. Suddenly a high-pitched, girlie scream came from the depths of the mine, and out of the deep and complete darkness there came... "PIPPIN?!" Everyone asked as once as the paranoid Hobbit came running out, still screaming his head off like the idiot that he was. "What ARE you yelling about?!" Gandalf bellowed, not fond of utter chaos. Pippin stopped and stared at everyone. His face was completely blank. Allow me to describe it for you. Have you ever seen a piece of white paper? Of course you have! But imagine that it just came off of the giant paper- machine somewhere, and not one foreign smudge or ink had touched it, then it had been bleached...yah...that's about how blank his face was. "I was yelling?" Pippin asked cluelessly. The fellowship flipped over Japanese Anime-Style. (Except for Aragorn, he was still keeled over on the ground...but he was still looking kingly!) "Oh, yah!" Pippin laughed, "I was!" "Why exactly were you screaming like the idiot you are?" Sam asked, shaking his head. "Because I like to run out of dark places screaming like the idiot that I am!" Pippin replied, looking as proud as an idiot Took can. "Well, whatever." Aragorn scowled, getting up, "But we need to get into the tunnel so I can look manly in the dark!" Suddenly there was more high-pitched screaming as another thing came screeching out of the cave. "PIPPIN!" Everyone yelled angrily at the Hobbit. "But if I'm here," Pippin mused, "how can I be screaming like a sissy and running out of the cave?" Everyone stopped to listen. "It's Legolas." They groaned in unison. "Let's hurry up and get in there." Aragorn sighed, looking aggravated, yet very manly. A snickering laughter came from a dark corner. "Who is it?" Frodo asked nervously, hiding behind Sam. "Whoever it is," Sam promised, "If they get close I'll hit 'em over the head." Sam brandished his frying pan, and Boromir winced for the poor soul who might be caught with it in their head. Legolas came screaming out of the tunnel, shouting in some foreign jargon. "What's he saying?" Pippin asked Aragorn, who knew a little Elfish. "Well," Aragorn replied, concentrating in a hot way, "he's either saying that he got a root-canal done by an ambidextrous horse, or he saw flame and shadow meshed into one hideous soul." "Let's go with the root-canal." Sam said, shrugging. There was a general murmur of agreement, then more moronic laughter came from the dark corner. "Who are you?" Aragorn challenged the darkness, brandishing his sword in the most kingly manner he could. "Shut up, Mousie!" Someone whispered harshly in the depths of the shadow. A stifled giggle of yet another person followed the hesitant: "Ok..." "And now it's time for America's Funniest Home Videos!" Gandalf bellowed. "What's going on?" Merry asked, still struggling with the sweater, and bumped into Legolas who jumped away, screaming. Gimli snickered, then suddenly stopped short. "HEY! WERE'S MY AX?!" He shouted. Suddenly one of the people in the shadows started laughing again, and this time nothing the person's companion could say could curb the gales of laughter. "I'll get 'em!" Sam shouted, racing towards the people in the darkness. "SAM!" One of the people in shadows screamed, charging forwards, arms flung wide. Sam stopped for a moment, staring at this strange being, then screamed himself, and ran back to the group, and hid behind Aragorn who managed to look manly while just standing still. The person who was chasing Sam was a girl with dark-brown hair and slightly tinted glasses. She was wearing black overalls with awesome purple shapes stitched in it, and a purple shirt. "SAM!" she continued to scream, and ran around behind Aragorn, to try and get Sam. Sam screamed ,and ran off, still being chased by the strange girl. "There she goes." The next person sighed, coming forth from the shadows. She had dark brown hair that reached just below her shoulders, and she was wearing skin-tight stretchy-jeans and a forest-green tank-top. The last girl exited the darkness, nearly doubled over with laughing. She was wearing a baggy, sky-blue sweat-shirt, and faded jeans. Her hair was light brown and reached half-way down her back, and the rim of her glasses matched her outfit. "We'd better go get Geon before PJ finds us...again...and throws us off set...again..." The girl with the shoulder-length dark brown hair sighed. The girl that was doubled over laughing immediately stopped and stared at the girl that had just spoken. "Frogy...?" She queried questioningly. "Just joking!" Frogy laughed, "Cummon, Mousie, let's go join Geon!" "OK!" Mousie laughed, jumping up and down. "Last one to their bishi is a Denethor groupie!" Frogy taunted just before running off. Sam, still being chased by Geon, ran into the cave, and with no hesitation, Geon followed. Sam ran in circles around a huge stone pillar, and Geon followed like a magnet. Frogy started chasing Legolas, who easily out-ran her, and led her on a wild goose-chaise around most of the area. "FRODO!" Mousie squealed as she gave chase. Frodo ran as fast as he could, but was soon being 'huggled' by Mousie. "We'd better get into the tunnel, and not let them in, or we'll never get to Mt. Doom." Aragorn said glumly. "Licking wall-plaster can make you thirsty." Gandalf agreed. Aragorn, Gimli, and Gandalf, realizing that Frodo was probably the person most in need at the moment, went over to where Mousie was happily hugging the hero. Pippin and Boromir watched as Frodo was pried away from Mousie, while Merry had resorted to trying to eat the wool sweater that somehow managed to stick on his head. Within two minutes, Mousie found herself tied hand and foot, and her bishi being carted away. "FRODO!" She sobbed. Frodo sighed a sigh of relief, and trotted happily into the cave were Sam was still being chased by Geon. Soon Sam was free of the chasing stalker, and Geon was tied up too, and thrown outside. "Our bishis!" The two girls cried in unison. Then Legolas, realizing that he was being left behind, danced over to the door, and gracefully closed them before Frogy bowled into them, head-first. Before the girls knew it, they were being buried in a land-slide because of Frogy's head-door-of-Moria impact. "Well," Mousie sighed, poking her head out of the rubble, "You can't make a person love you-" "But you can stalk them and hope for the best." Frogy and Geon completed the maxim as they unburied themselves and planned their next attack. 


	3. Utter Chaos Chapter 3

K, I don't own LOTR. Any other movies/characters/poems/whatever-else-you- can-think-of that aren't mine. I ad-libbed the One Ring Poem that Tolkien wrote, and the character that Geon is based on made up squarks...or was it her brother...I don't remember. I just didn't make em up. They're not mine. Only Mousie is mine cuz Frogy is a character based on my friend, and so if I said that I owned Frogy, then I'd own my best friend. But I don't. But I WOULD like Frodo, and Captain Jack, and I wouldn't mind having Yaten, and Cyrus and Cain (from an online manga) are hot, and so is...Ranting fades off into the distance  
  
In the darkness three shadows loomed.  
"As soon as we finish this trap, no one will be able to stop us!" The first cackled.  
"The world of Middle Earth will be at our mercy!"  
"I like cheese."  
The two other shadows turned to stare at the one who had spoken.  
"Cheese will rule the world." The third explained.  
"Not in this fanfiction." The second corrected.  
"OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo...the third sighed.  
The three fell into silence once again, when suddenly the light switch was flipped on.  
"What are you guys doing in the dark?" A girl with dark brown hair asked.  
"AAAAAAAA!" The first shadow, now revealed as Mousie, screamed, clutching at her eyes, and writhing on her back, "THE LIGHT THE LIGHT IS BURNING MY EYEBALLS TO A CRISP!"  
"Turn off the light, Monkeygurl!" The second shadow/Frogy commanded.  
"No! It's the fourteenth of January in Middle Earth, and you know what THAT means."  
"THAT CHEESE WILL TRULY RULE THE EARTH!" The third shadow/Geon shouted, but now her hair was dyed magenta.  
"Uh...no..." Monkeygurl said, looking slightly disturbed, "It means that it's Angel's B-day."  
"THE LIGHT! TURN IT OFF! I HATES IT! I HATES IT FOREVER AND EVER!"  
"Shuddup Mousie."  
"Ok."  
Just then Angel came waltzing in doing the monkey. "It's my b-day and I'll rule the world if I want to!" She sang as she jumped around and waved her butt.  
"May I continue writhing on the floor and clutching at my eyes?" Mousie asked Frogy.  
"No."  
"Ok"  
"Cummon!" Angel prompted, "Celebrate with me! I've got a surprise planned for my b-day that you all will like!"  
"Will cheese rule the world?" Geon asked, happily.  
"Uh...no..." Monkeygurl replied, looking disturbed again.  
"Then I'm not coming!" Geon pouted, crossing her arms and trying to look as stubborn as a mule.  
"Will you be showing all three LOTR movies?" Frogy and Mousie both screamed at the same time, hopping up and down.  
"NO!" Angel screamed! "YOU JUST HAD A LOTR-MARATHON YESTERDAY THAT ENDED BY YOU ALL SOBBING AT THE END OF ROTK BECAUSE SAM AND FRODO HAD TO LEAVE!"  
"Oohh..." Mousie sniffled, "That was so sad..."  
Immediately both Mousie and Frogy began sobbing over how sad they thought it was that Frodo had to leave, while Geon contemplated the deep mysteries of cheese and penguins.  
"Both of you stop crying so that I can tell you why you'll want to come to my party!" Angel said, smacking both of the sobbing teens.  
Both teens ignored her, and Angel was forced to tell Monkeygurl to slap both of them.  
"Alright..." Monkeygurl grinned evilly as she rolled up her sleeves.  
Frogy and Mousie screamed, and ran and hid behind Geon for cover.  
"Now listen to why you'll want to come to my party!" Angel demanded, "I'll be having the Fellowship over for ice-cream and cake."  
Frogy, Mousie, and Geon jumped up and began screaming: "Now we'll get our bishis!"  
"No." Angel said firmly.  
"No? No what?" Geon asked, thinking that perhaps cheese would not rule the world after all.  
"No, you can't get your bishis."  
"But-" The three protested at once.  
"No. You have to be on good behavior, or else I'll call the Witch King of Agmar to come and get you." Angel replied, exercising her authority over the three.  
"I'm actually quite surprised that you KNOW who the Witch King of Agmar is." Frogy said, getting ready to recount exactly HOW the Witch King of Agmar came into being.  
"NO!" Angel screamed, covering her ears, "I AM NOT LISTENING TO THE HISTORY OF THE WITCH KING AGAIN!"  
Frogy sighed.  
"How did you get PJ to agree to borrow the Fellowship for the day?" Geon asked.  
"Easy," Angel replied, looking proud, "The Almighty Puppy Eyes and Oober Powerful Crocodile Tears."  
"That explains it." Mousie, who had been a first-hand witness of the powerful Puppy Eyes and the Crocodile Tears, sighed.  
"So are you all going to come to the party, or just sit here, dreaming of Cheese?" Monkeygurl demanded.  
"Yummmm..." Geon sighed, "Cheese..."  
Mousie snapped her fingers in front of Geon's face. "Think Samwise Gamgee." She commanded.  
Geon immediately perked up. "So where are they?"  
  
In the Mines of Morea, PJ was having a talk with the Fellowship.  
"So, that's why you have to go to the party." He explained.  
"I like parties!" Pippin squeaked, "They have food at parties!"  
"Will the location be CLEAN?" Legolas asked, hands on his hips questioningly, "Because if it's not clean, then I'll have to take a three- hour disinfectory shower."  
"Be brave, Legolas of the Mirkwood realm." Aragorn commanded, striking a pose and looking manly.  
Legolas put on a pouty-face and stalked away.  
"NO!" Frodo screamed, "Legolas left, and he can see the best! If he goes, then no one will be able to see danger, and no one will be able to save me!" Frodo began to sob.  
"Gtheotd ghtieo thsesd." Boromir said, trying to be comforting, though his words were muffled by the gag.  
"STOP TALKING TO FRODO!" Sam shouted, and hit Boromir over the head once or twice.  
"The impact of a frying-pan on the scull of the son of a Steward can cause damage." Gandalf said, wisely.  
Everyone turned to stare at Gandalf.  
"He actually said something that was relevant to the situation..." Gimly said in awe.  
"Let's have a party!" PJ suggested.  
"A party! I love parties! Drinks all around!" Someone from the shadows laughed drunkenly.  
Legolas looked around uncomfortably.  
"Who was that?" Aragorn asked suspiciously in a manly way.  
"Wrong movie." PJ sighed.  
"So what about that party?" Merry asked just before he bumped into the wall.  
"What party?" Pippin asked.  
"The party you'll be attending." PJ replied.  
"I don't wanna attend a party!" Frodo whined.  
"If Mr. Frodo doesn't wanna attend the party," Sam warned, "Then Mr. Frodo doesn't have to attend the party."  
"I'm the director!" PJ yelled, "and if I tell you to go somewhere, then you'll go there! If I tell you to do something, then you'll do it! If I say 'Let's do that scene again', then you'll do that scene again until I'm happy with it!" PJ ranted.  
"I don't wanna go." Frodo replied, crossing his arms.  
"Do you want me to open the set for fans and fan-girls?" PJ asked, grinning.  
"You wouldn't!" Legolas, Pippin, and Frodo screamed. Aragorn, Sam, Merry, and Boromir looked nervous. Gimly and Gandalf seemed perfectly calm however.  
"Wouldn't I?" PJ smirked evilly.  
"Huddle!" Aragorn shouted, raising his sword into the air in a manly way.  
"You're gonna put an eye out with that thing..." Gimly muttered, then remembered his ax, and began further plans to kill Aragorn and get his ax back.  
The group huddled around in a close circle, and PJ waited impatiently as they whispered among themselves, trying to decide on what to do.  
Finally, Gandalf, being the leader of the group, despite his total lack of presentness, stood before PJ and said: "Hamburgers were once cows."  
"Umm...would anyone like to translate?" PJ asked, sweatdroping.  
"Language is a tool given to only those with mouths!" Gandalf replied.  
"Can he be turned off?"  
"Beware of the evil plot bunnies!"  
"Someone? Anyone?"  
"Do not mistake me for a pussycat of few hair-balls! I'm am not trying to eat you!"  
"Gandalf?" Aragorn asked.  
"Yes, future king of Lublublabla?"  
"Why don't you let me speak?" He suggested.  
"Alright," Gandalf consented, "But beware, he is quick with a light- sabor."  
"I think you're talking about Saruman..." Merry corrected, as he tripped over Gimli's boot.  
"PJ, we have decided that because of you're threa-erm...convincing words," Aragorn said, trying to be hot, "we will attend this party."  
"Ok," PJ said as he walked away, "But you'd better hurry and take get ready, it starts in only an hour and a half."  
  
"Three half hours for us to prepare,  
Seven seats to divvy on a bus,  
Nine of us and one sink to share.  
One fate to suffer for us  
In the land of Fan-Girl City, and PJ doesn't care.  
  
One Party to rule us all,  
One Party to brand us,  
One Party to bring us all,  
And in the darkness land us  
In the land of Fan-Girl City, and PJ doesn't care."  
Gandalf sighed.  
"You know," Merry said, just before bumping into Legolas, "I think he chooses when he wants to remember things."  
"Eek!" Legolas shrieked as Merry's dirt came into contact with him.  
  
It was very dark in the deepest-darkest-most-dirty chasms of Moria, and Geon, Mousie, and Frogy were traveling down them to try to reach a place known only to Frogy.  
"So what are we doing?" Mousie asked.  
"You sound like Pippin." Geon commented.  
"Hey! Pippin's MY sec-fav!" Frogy shouted.  
"What?" Mousie teased, "Leggy-chan's not good enough for you?"  
"Traitor!" Frogy shrieked as she jumped at Mousie.  
Immediately the two were engaged in a semi-life-or-death struggle. The sounds of the scuffling echoing through the entire area of the mines.  
"Shuddup!" Geon commanded, "or you'll wake up the squarks!"  
All three of them shuddered in unison like they only do in cartoons.  
"What are we doing down here, anyway?" Mousie asked.  
"We are going to find Queen BulFrog." Frogy replied.  
"Who's that?" Geon asked.  
"The queen of the bullfrogs."  
"Ah..."  
"Cummon, I have to talk to her before the party!"  
"Why?" Mousie asked in a sing-song voice.  
"Because there's a way that I MIGHT be able to get Frodo, Sam, and Legolas."  
"Why?"  
"Because we're all head-over-heels for them."  
"Why?"  
"Probably because they're all so good looking when they're dirty...except for Legolas. He doesn't get dirty."  
"Why?"  
"Because he's an elf?"  
"Why?"  
"Ok. You can stop any time now."  
"Why?"  
"Because we're getting annoyed!"  
"Why?"  
Frogy screamed, and continued walking, ignoring Mousie.  
The threesome continued walking through the mines, Mousie's 'why's beginning to grow fainter as they traveled into the deep depths of the mines. 


End file.
